Yesss! Very much looking forward to this conversation. Even last night I found myself feeling like the only option is to make my life even smaller than it already is - which isn't what I want but feels like it has to be, simply because there is nothing out there to support my family in a way that wouldn't cause more harm. I AM RAGING.
The easiest way usually feels like making ourselves smaller, it’s a learned way of being, and the growing of our worlds against all of the challenges feels deeply uncomfortable at times, but I really want to try x
Love this, and cannot wait for our chat on the 11th with Layla and Chloe. I've got a rage list on the go in my phone notes app which is surprisingly cathartic... Also giving me plenty of ammo!
‘My good-girl-anger/mother-anger/carer-anger is often accompanied by desperate tears and a racing heart. Years of social conditioning and a desire to please mean that I swallow anger down as much as I can until it spills out of my eyes' ABSOLUTELY THIS!!! X
Sadly, in professional settings when I am advocating for my daughters, my tears are generally perceived as a sign that I am overwrought and not coping, rather than a perfectly understandable response to inadequate support. This hit hard - I’ve been in this situation so many times where they then say (as if I wasn’t in the room night next to them,) “mum isn’t coping” xx
Looking forward to listening to next Wednesday’s conversation! I love that you express your experience and rage so beautifully - palpably. I’ve been a full-time carer for the last 34 years to a daughter (one of five) who, I’m reliably informed, is the most complex respiratory patient in the county, in addition to her other complexities.
The endemic ineptitude/indifference of politicians, social and health care bureaucrats, and indeed, much of society, inspires accumulative rage such that, here on Substack, at least for the moment, I am rendered silent for fear of unleashing savagery. Happily, I don’t stint with the ‘powers that be’.
Resonates so much Caro! I tend to cry hot tears too, as opposed to cold tears. My rage boiled over in perimenopause, hard to face at the time but ultimately needed to create necessary change x
So many years of 'making ourselves small' so that we (and our needs) do not come across as too much and threatening. One of the gifts of menopause is that the balance shifts and we can represent ourselves in all our strength as well as frustrations & messiness: we can leave it to the systems and people around us to 'deal' - if they have an issue with it, that is their issue!
Yesss! Very much looking forward to this conversation. Even last night I found myself feeling like the only option is to make my life even smaller than it already is - which isn't what I want but feels like it has to be, simply because there is nothing out there to support my family in a way that wouldn't cause more harm. I AM RAGING.
The easiest way usually feels like making ourselves smaller, it’s a learned way of being, and the growing of our worlds against all of the challenges feels deeply uncomfortable at times, but I really want to try x
Love this, and cannot wait for our chat on the 11th with Layla and Chloe. I've got a rage list on the go in my phone notes app which is surprisingly cathartic... Also giving me plenty of ammo!
Notes rage list - brilliant!
Instagram has gone wild today since I asked folk to share theirs, Angela!
Oh the crying in meetings! I need a T-shirt that says ‘ I am crying with anger’
‘My good-girl-anger/mother-anger/carer-anger is often accompanied by desperate tears and a racing heart. Years of social conditioning and a desire to please mean that I swallow anger down as much as I can until it spills out of my eyes' ABSOLUTELY THIS!!! X
Sadly, in professional settings when I am advocating for my daughters, my tears are generally perceived as a sign that I am overwrought and not coping, rather than a perfectly understandable response to inadequate support. This hit hard - I’ve been in this situation so many times where they then say (as if I wasn’t in the room night next to them,) “mum isn’t coping” xx
Ive forgotten how to be angry
Looking forward to listening to next Wednesday’s conversation! I love that you express your experience and rage so beautifully - palpably. I’ve been a full-time carer for the last 34 years to a daughter (one of five) who, I’m reliably informed, is the most complex respiratory patient in the county, in addition to her other complexities.
The endemic ineptitude/indifference of politicians, social and health care bureaucrats, and indeed, much of society, inspires accumulative rage such that, here on Substack, at least for the moment, I am rendered silent for fear of unleashing savagery. Happily, I don’t stint with the ‘powers that be’.
Resonates so much Caro! I tend to cry hot tears too, as opposed to cold tears. My rage boiled over in perimenopause, hard to face at the time but ultimately needed to create necessary change x
So many years of 'making ourselves small' so that we (and our needs) do not come across as too much and threatening. One of the gifts of menopause is that the balance shifts and we can represent ourselves in all our strength as well as frustrations & messiness: we can leave it to the systems and people around us to 'deal' - if they have an issue with it, that is their issue!
Looking forward to 11th 🤩
Nodding a lot reading this 🔥
This is a truly wonderful piece. Thank you. X