How I Get Out Of My Head And Into My Body...
a photo story
I’ve been thinking about my body a lot over the last year, and especially this week as I prepare to discuss this topic with @lindsayjohnstonewriter @mslaylaomara and @chloeelizabethgeorge on Friday. This will be the second of our conversations inspired by Miranda July’s novel, All Fours. We are going to dive into our relationships with our mid-life bodies and see what happens…! To listen and contribute to our chat just click this link on Friday at 7.30pm.
The truth is that I’m more comfortable now with my body than I’ve ever been. I’m kind of sad I didn’t love it more when I was younger, but I frequently made the mistake of hovering under a male gaze that muted me and forced me to mould myself in ways that were inauthentic.
It took me several years after my marriage ended to learn to love myself and be brave enough to just be me. These days I feel wild and reckless - my body is a collision of frustration and desire and I am always looking for ways to listen to it and honour its fierce energy. I sometimes call it my big cat energy…
I found a few recent photos that illustrate my current relationship with my body. Do any of these things resonate with you?
I like getting dressed up now - after years of being pregnant and breastfeeding and in a difficult relationship. I love my body being my body again.
I wrote a whole book about casting spells with my body in the sea. For years it was the only way I could feel sensual and daring because I was too scared to be with a man. Cold waves still thrill me.
I dance every day - in my bedroom, in the kitchen, and this was a rare night out in a cellar club in February. Dancing sometimes makes me laugh, often makes me cry.
I used to run in circles around my house when I couldn’t leave my children alone, and during the pandemic. Now I pound the treadmill with loud music in my ears and it makes me feel strong and healthy. Some days I’m too tired but I know ultimately exercise energises me and shakes me out of my fears.
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5. Learning to love someone else has played a huge part in how I view my body. But I had to learn to love myself first…
How do you get out of your head and into your body?
Oh I really look forward to the discussion tomorrow. I spend a lot of time in the forest and teaching Yoga, which gets my out of my head... but mostly I struggle to start the day without first throwing myself in the sea or my nearby loch!
I’ve started a contemporary dance class because I wanted to move and feel my body in a different way to when I go to the gym or yoga, which I love but still feel linear and confined somehow. Dancing takes me out of my head and deep into my body (being told to dance ‘from your liver’ or ‘at the level of your skeleton’ does that!). I’m awful but I’m trying to lay that aside and just feel the experience!