I’m not sure home is in the past. Or even that it is meant to feel safe. Or that it’s a good thing or should be something that defines us. I know this is an unfashionable view but I worry the mythical ideal of home brings many of us less pleasure than pain.
Yes I do wonder if it is something that has been defined by a conventional lifestyle, designed to make us crave a certain way of life. For me I think it is fluid and about growth and perhaps that is what I need to make peace with.
I often wonder how people stay in the same place all their lives. I longed to leave the place I grew up in and it still doesn't feel like home yet my sister has never left. Home for me has always been where I live at that time but its not a fixed place. I think its inside us and about feeling at peace with ourselves.
I've recently been travelling back to Worthing where I was born & raised then ran away from at 19 as fast as my legs would carry me. But lately I've been back loads, firstly to nurse my dying mum, and now to help my Dad. I hated this place for half a century, the ghosts of pain too much to bear and I migrated north via London, Liverpool, Teesside, Weardale and now Northumberland. I always said Worthing never felt like home, but now I'm not so sure. Will I miss not having to go when Dad's gone? Where do I belong? It's a great question, Caro.
I have places that feel like home on the surface, because of a sense of nostalgia. Growing up in Sheffield feels a little like home until I consider I have barely no family there now and certainly no idyllic memories of my childhood home so to go back there now for anything more than a quick visit would feel strange and nothing like home. I feel a pride for my Yorkshire roots and again would call Yorkshire home but I’m not convinced I’ve found real home yet.
I think if you lived in different places as a child (and I too lived in Orkney, although only until I was 9) it can be harder to find nd a place you really belong. I’m a bit sad I sense my 12yo struggling with it too, he loves Fife, where we lived until he was 7, but he also recognises living a short distance from grandparents in Yorkshire now is great. And I would love to be back in Scotland, but I’d like to take all my family with me to live nearby too!
"Yes, I am willing to be that wild darkness, that long, blue body of light"... Caro, you share your holding of dark and light so movingly. Thank you for putting words so often to familiar glimpses I too feel, life itself.
I’ve never felt I really belonged anywhere either but I have lived where I am now for 25 years which must mean something 😊 I also spend part of the week with my partner so his place is partly home too, though like you I e yet to find it. I don’t let it trouble me though. Perhaps because I belong in whatever world I’m creating.
I’m not sure home is in the past. Or even that it is meant to feel safe. Or that it’s a good thing or should be something that defines us. I know this is an unfashionable view but I worry the mythical ideal of home brings many of us less pleasure than pain.
Yes I do wonder if it is something that has been defined by a conventional lifestyle, designed to make us crave a certain way of life. For me I think it is fluid and about growth and perhaps that is what I need to make peace with.
I often wonder how people stay in the same place all their lives. I longed to leave the place I grew up in and it still doesn't feel like home yet my sister has never left. Home for me has always been where I live at that time but its not a fixed place. I think its inside us and about feeling at peace with ourselves.
I've recently been travelling back to Worthing where I was born & raised then ran away from at 19 as fast as my legs would carry me. But lately I've been back loads, firstly to nurse my dying mum, and now to help my Dad. I hated this place for half a century, the ghosts of pain too much to bear and I migrated north via London, Liverpool, Teesside, Weardale and now Northumberland. I always said Worthing never felt like home, but now I'm not so sure. Will I miss not having to go when Dad's gone? Where do I belong? It's a great question, Caro.
I have places that feel like home on the surface, because of a sense of nostalgia. Growing up in Sheffield feels a little like home until I consider I have barely no family there now and certainly no idyllic memories of my childhood home so to go back there now for anything more than a quick visit would feel strange and nothing like home. I feel a pride for my Yorkshire roots and again would call Yorkshire home but I’m not convinced I’ve found real home yet.
I think if you lived in different places as a child (and I too lived in Orkney, although only until I was 9) it can be harder to find nd a place you really belong. I’m a bit sad I sense my 12yo struggling with it too, he loves Fife, where we lived until he was 7, but he also recognises living a short distance from grandparents in Yorkshire now is great. And I would love to be back in Scotland, but I’d like to take all my family with me to live nearby too!
"Yes, I am willing to be that wild darkness, that long, blue body of light"... Caro, you share your holding of dark and light so movingly. Thank you for putting words so often to familiar glimpses I too feel, life itself.
Thank you Michele. I absolutely love that last line it’s so powerful isn’t it x
I’ve never felt I really belonged anywhere either but I have lived where I am now for 25 years which must mean something 😊 I also spend part of the week with my partner so his place is partly home too, though like you I e yet to find it. I don’t let it trouble me though. Perhaps because I belong in whatever world I’m creating.
That is a reassuring thought. Writing and other forms of creating are certainly helpful in terms of trying to discover who we are